I want to be gay

Debunking Common Misconceptions About

What causes sexual orientation? It resonated deeply, but I still didn't know if I should claim it. I went through a phase where I did claim it. Still, from then through junior year, I hid behind fake profiles to talk to girls online.

I wrote a whole explanation on my Instagram Close Friends story, breaking down my pronouns and why I identified as non-binary. I had my first crush at the age of five; in 8th grade, I had my first girlfriend. You also can’t “turn.

I started leaning into the lesbian label more. I resonate with both non-binary and gender fluid, but I don't wear either one loudly. I wasn't exposed to queerness, except maybe a scene from The Color Purple where Celie and Shug kissed — and even then, my mom would skip that part, though I'd already seen it once on my own.

But it can be tough to figure it all out, so we've created a quiz to help you explore. It’s not completely known why someone might be lesbian, gay, straight, or bisexual. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

I grew up in a religious Christian household. That helped me get more comfortable with who I was. I don't correct people all the time. Very telling. I wasn't ready to call myself a lesbian yet. Gay men choose from a wide range of sexual practices, including masturbation (either alone or with another person or persons), oral sex, anal intercourse, kissing, hugging, massage, wrestling, holding hands, cuddling or anything else that appeals to both partners.

Eventually, I joined a lesbian iMessage group chat. How do you know if you're gay? It was after someone in a chat asked me if I was a boy or a girl, and I answered, "Both. But research shows that sexual orientation is likely caused partly by biological factors that start before birth.

There's a whole spectrum of romantic and sexual orientation, and ultimately, you get to choose whatever label feels right. That's when a friend introduced me to the term gender fluid. After high school, I considered that maybe I was bi.

That might've been my only exposure, and even that wasn't intentional. I even put socks in my underwear to feel what having a bulge would be like. We all choose to have sex in different ways, whether we are gay or straight. But I was still convinced I was straight.

But even then, labels never felt right.

How to Be Gay

I remember being a curious kid, looking up "girls kissing girls" on YouTube for reasons I couldn't explain at the time. A couple of years later, I learned about the term non-binary, and that hit, too. I genuinely liked them and caught feelings for them. I could accept "bi" easier because of my religious trauma and internalized homophobia.

I even explored a bit myself, kissing a couple of girls while playing house, and I was always the boyfriend. People don’t decide who they’re attracted to, and therapy, treatment, or persuasion won’t change a person’s sexual orientation.